Simply Imperfect

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OPENED:08.02.2009
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Reincarnation Chapters

Reincarnation Of Me (COMPLETED)

Chapter 1: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 2: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 3: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 4: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 5: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 6: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 7: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 8: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 9: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 10: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 11: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 12: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 13: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 14: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 15: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 16: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 17: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 18: Reincarnation Of Me

Chapter 19: Reincarnation Of Me *END*

Title: Reincarnation
Author:mbwzy
Reviewer: Juliada3@artsyasiancrew.co.nr

Title 4/5
I think your title is very fitting and describes your story well. It also tells something about the story that gives it a mysterious feeling to it.

Forewords 1/10
Your forewords do not give an adequate description of your story at all. It tells the bare minimum and doesn't engage anybody's interest. If you want to improve it, you could include a synopsis of you story and a description of your characters. That would give prospective readers something to look at to see if they want to read your story or not.

Plot 15/20
Your plot is interesting, but if you separated your chapters into paragraphs, that would make your story clearer and easier to read. Since they are all in big paragraphs, it is easy to get confused. If it is too long, you could separate them into two chapters.

Originality 3/5
I think it is pretty original of you with the reincarnation thing. It isn't commonly seen, and it was pretty creative of you to use that in your story.

Grammar/Spelling/Transitions 11/15
You have pretty good spelling, but there are a few grammar issues. If you spaced them out, you might be able to catch them better.

Flow (speed of the story) 6/10
Your story flowed okay, but it seemed like it sped up in some areas. If you dragged out some of the important parts or elaborated and gave more details, then I think it will be fine.

Choice of words/Idiom/quotes 7/10
You have a pretty good vocabulary, but you could use more adjectives and details to describe places. Also, like I said before, if you spaced out your story and grouped them into paragraphs or the same thought, then the impact of huge events would be bigger.

Details/Settings/Characterization 12/15
You could add more details about the places the characters go to help your readers visualize it better.

Enjoyable? 6/10
I liked it, but it was confusing to read, as everything was all together.

Over All Score 65/100

Review @ impeccable melodies

Forewords: 1/5 --- Your forewords is simple and short. Too short. Even though the poster shows who your story is portraying, you still need to mention it in your forewords, because that’s what it’s there for. From reading those lines, all we know about is Winter which –I guess- would be Toni. But there is also Vhong… what could be his role? How do the readers know Toni is Winter/Winifred? It is also lacking information by a lot, the information that is crucial to get the readers to read your fanfic. In that simple paragraph, I have noticed a lit of mistakes that can be very distracting. For example: “She have a miserable life” when it should be “She has a miserable life”
“She dreamed having a new life” à “She dreamed of having a new life”
“Died and now reborn” à “She had died and has been reborn again”Plot: 10/15 --- The plot you have here is unique, not many reincarnation stories are out there so it’s a plus for the originality. However, the originality can also come to its end, it can get very confusing at times and the sentences are all stuck together that my eyes got lost. On the other hand, as I read through chapter 1, you had introduced us to Vincent which is Vhong. (Information you didn’t give us.) I had thought that their love would be forbidden since his parents were Winifred’s parents. But you went too fast and got rid of the excitement by quickly telling us that the parents told him that Winifred is only adopted.
Flow: 5/10 --- The flow went fast and lacked description. You need to add more descriptive words in there, not just emotions but the physical stuff to. Try to include all the senses we use every day. (Sight, taste, smell, touch and sound) then it would be so much clearer to the people reading it.
Writing Style: 4/10 --- I’m sorry. Your writing style is not bad but not good either. It seems to me that the story is written in a block of words. Block after block. Speech should always start in a new line. Basic rules. You also have small mistakes that maybe irrelevant but can be very distracting. Also, you bombard your paragraphs with full stops [periods.] it’s like a car that keeps on taking breaks every 5 minutes, it can get very annoying. And remember to separate your paragraphs more. Plus, there was this mistake I saw in Chapter 2 when nick said "We're not gonna die. "We will protect you with our life," as you can see, there a lost speech mark right in the middle of the passage. If the person is still speaking, you don’t to add another speech mark in the middle.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10 --- You spelling is alright, but the grammar and vocabulary is something you need to work on. Sometimes, you use the present tense along with the past tense and it doesn’t make sense. I recommend you use Microsoft Word to improve on those categories. Type up the story in there first then copy and paste it into winglin.
Characterization: 8/10 --- The characters are good expect that you forgot to introduce them to us. You used brackets after typing their name which is a bad idea. Nonetheless, everything else was good.
Originality: 8/10 --- It was all pretty much unique, I haven’t read a fic like this ever so that’s a good thing. Keep the idea coming!
Overall Enjoyment: 6/10 --- I liked reading it, but I couldn’t help but look at the mistakes.
Bonus: 2/5 --- I’ll give you a bonus for all your hard work and because you used my favorite couple in Philippines right after Kimerald. Toni and Vhong are perfect.
Total Score: 60/100

Review @ adorable-luv.blogspot.com

Author: mbwzy
Title:Reincarnation
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/mbwzy/
Reviewer: Minyouniie @ Adorable love (http://adorable-luv.blogspot.com/)Title: 4/5
Through the title is simple, it has this affect that draws people into it. It suites your story well and let's your reader know that it has something to do with "new life".
Foreword: 0.5/5
If I wasn't a reviewer, I wouldn't want to read your story after reading your forewords. It is simple and lacks a lot of information. The forewords is important because it is like the introduction to your story. Normally it is the first thing that readers would click on, therefore you have to make it good to capture the reader's interest. The forewords should at least have a prologue and a character description. You stated that the story is about a girl name Winter. Who is she? What was she like before and after she was reborn? You also stated that her life is miserable. How is her life bad? You missed all of this information which is not a good start to the story. And as I said, character description is something you should include. There are people out there that don't know who Vhong and Toni are like me, so they might not know their personalities or what they do. So if you want to use their "real" personalities or want to change it, describing them in the forewords is very important.
Poster/BG: 4.5/10
You can't say that I absolutely hate the poster but neither am I totally in love with the poster. The poster is a little crowded in my opinion and it isn't exactly eye-catching. I could see that there was a quote in the corner of the poster, but I couldn't read it. Quotes should stand out in the poster because it gives a general idea of what the story is going to be about.
Plot: 15/20
I like your storyline. It is unique in it's own way. The idea of reincarnation is very smart for there isn't many stories out here like this one.
Characterization: 7/15
It kind of lacked information, but it wasn't that bad. You could improve by adding more describing words. Oh, and remember to introduce them like I have said. Give us a little background / personality and this would rise your score :)
Creativity/Originality: 8/15
There were many original ideas in your story. But there were also some ideas I find cliche, but don't worry, I like cliche stories : D
Spelling/Grammar: 7/10
Your spelling is good, but watch out for your grammar. I found many mistakes in your story and it is unpleasant to read.
Flow: 3/5
It was a little fast in some areas causing you to lose points. My future advice would be to decrease the sped a bit, add detail and you will do very well.
Writing style: 6/10
Your writing style is not exactly perfect. It's okay. As I have said, I found quite a few grammar errors in your story and it would be wise to read over your story. I am going to take your first paragraph as an example and show you how it should be.
Hi my name is Winter. I'm fifteen years old. I live in Philippines. I have twelve siblings. My family is really poor.
↓
Hello, my name is Winter. I am fifteen years old this year and come from the Philippines. I have twelve younger brothers and sisters in my family and my family is not considered wealthy.
It sounds better if you put more detail in your work.
Also, neatness is lacking in your work. Space it out a bit, because it just seems like a chunk of words, it looks really long and may be considered boring. And, for your puncuation. There should be a space after it's use.
Overall enjoyment: 2.5/5
As I said, your story is okay. It is not a story that I would click on if I had seen it on the first page.
Total: 57.5/100
A/N: Remember these reviews are meant to help you and your writing skills, The score should not matter only what the reviewers says should.