Friday, January 15, 2010 | 12:38 PM |

Chapter 22

**review from lollipop princess** memories of love by grace
Fanfic URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/grace
Review by: Lollipop princess
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`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : 5/5
Your title is very special!! It brings out a distinctive type of emotion..

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`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : 8/10
Really cool!! Black really brings out your poster and background!! Though your quotes are too small, can't seem to read it..the background matched the poster though :)

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`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : 5/10
I was really caught on with the character introduction..but I think it was kinda too short, you hould have described more about the characters..besides that, a lot of grammar mistakes, I didn't get what you're trying to write..sorry, but I had to reread it a few times to understand..your preview had a lot of mistakes too eg:
"We're going home Jae rin pack you (your)things"Mr. Gu said to
her daughter.
"ye umma" said of a 10years old Jae rin.Then she go to her
hotel room to pack her clothes.After Jae rin pack her thing (s).
she is ready to go home.
"ready to go home princess?? you sure you (have)pack your all
things??"Mr. Gu said.
"ye appa are you going home now??"Jae rin said.
"ye princess"Mr. Gu put jae rin bag in the back of the car..
"come on honey we need to go or else we're going to be late"Mrs. Gu
said and set Jae rin in the car.after she set her daughter
she go to the passenger seat. Then Mr. Gu go to the driver
seat and start the engine.

**in (on) the road**

"appa are we going to see Jae joong oppa??"jae rin said.
"of course princess"her dad said.After a minute Mr. Gu
realize that the break don't (doesn'nt seemt to be working) work.
"what happen??"Mrs. Gu said..
"the break won't work"he said.
"what??"Mrs. Gu said
"go with jae rin"he said then Mrs. Gu go the the back and
hug her daughter tight.
"umma I'm scared"jae rin said crying.
"don't be honey umma is here" hug her daughter more tighter (tighter)
then she look at the road again "HONEY WATCH OU--"
then the loud crash all going to be heard..(was all that could be heard)

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`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : 6/15
Sorry, I really didn't quite get what you were trying to write..It was really messy and full of grammar mistakes..you were like writing using dialogue english!!

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`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : 5/10
I'm not Korean so I don't really know what is umma and everything but then, you didn't really manage to describe your characters well..to much words that doesn't make sense to me..

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`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : 5/10
Sorry, but I can't really grade you since I really have not much clue what you were trying to write..sorry for being so harsh

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`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : 1/10
Sorry but your grammar is terrible..I know you tried, but still it isn't really working..please reread what you have type before posting your story up, you grammar and vocabulary is very limited..spel mistakes were everywhere..the worst and most dreadful part was your grammar, I can't understand wthat you were trying to say!! Please please work on this!!

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`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : 4/10
Again, can't really grade you since I don't quite get what you were trying to write!!

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`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : 4/15
Work on your english!!!!!!

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`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : 1/5

`Bonus : 4/5

Overall Total: 48/100

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thanks for the review for Lollipop princess

THANKS TO:

http://mysensationsite2.blogspot.com/

**princess**

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