Wednesday, December 16, 2009 | 1:18 PM |

Yesterday during science class, everyone was provided with a laptop for research about genetics. When the class was almost over, everyone stood up and waited for the bell to sound. Danson was near the door, and I was behind him staring straight at his back. The bell rang and I was on my way to English class, meeting Jiro in the hallway every day. It made me happy, though he seemed somewhat cold towards me. Danson was still ahead of him and although it was crowded, I tried to catch him just to glance at his back.

When I was dismissed from English class, I walked into the second hallway where my locker is located. Jiro and Xiu’s lockers were also at the end of that hallway. I saw Xiu standing at another locker, and it made me wonder why. I went to my locker and put my binder in there, and then, I saw Xiu going the opposite direction from his locker. I followed him, staring at his back as I walked. I could identify each of them from just a glance of their back, and it made me feel like a stalker; chasing after them even though they never noticed. They just thought that I was followed them because we were going to the same classroom.

I was sure that none of them knew about my feelings towards them. Earlier this morning, I just thought of this, the title of this story is "Crush on You" but because of my crazy thoughts, I just thought it would be better if I call this story, "I'm The Girl Who Chase Backs."I thought it's funny because I always chase Danson's back. I also suggest another title, it's called "My Daily Diary" because it's like this thing is my diary because I'm always sharing my thoughts but I find the first title, "I'm The Girl Who Chase Backs" better 'cause it's so funny.[o1]  Our winter break starts on Monday so the last day of class would be this Friday. I wouldn’t see any of them for two, whole weeks.

Semester two was almost here, starting in February 2010. It was approximately a month away which meant that I'll have different classes and subjects. I wondered if any of the three boys would be in my class. I would be really sad if they weren’t. I wished this semester would stay forever so that I could see them every day. If we weren’t classmates, then I would rarely ever see them. I thought of composing a song for them, or maybe even a poem. At night, I always listened to love songs that reminded me of them, such as the song "Crush" by David Archuleta.

Last night, I grabbed my iPhone and I checked my horoscope, relieved to see good news. My horoscope read, “The person you admire doesn't hate you, he or she just doesn't really know you. Don't tell them, but show them who you are. Remain dedicated to your goals while doing your best to make time for this person. You'll appear interesting but not needy”.

I was so happy while reading this because I was reassured that my crushes didn’t hate me. I still needed to prove to them who I really am, and that was just what I was going to do. I arrived at Geography class at 8:55AM. Jiro wasn't there yet, but after two minutes, he arrived. I guessed that his favorite color must have been white because his sweater was always white. Truthfully the color suited him well. I hope that one day when he sees me; he'll come and say good morning to me. Class went by slowly; there was nothing that caught my interest.

We watched some videos about forestry and I had no interests in these things. Before the end of the class, we were given homework. Sarah, a classmate of mine called Jiro. "Jiro, when's your hockey game?" she asked. "It's on Thursday." he replied. Now knew that he has a game tomorrow, but where? If I only knew where he would be playing, I would go cheer for him. I didn't know how to approach a guy at all, and I can’t even say hi without getting nervous. Class finally ended and headed to Science, taking my usual seat. I was shocked because Danson was pulling a chair towards me.

I thought he was going to sit beside me, but he didn't. He sat at the next table beside me, but at least we were beside each other. I wished that he would sit there every day so I could stare at him. We were given handouts from Mr. Golub. I hoped that it would be a group assignment so that I would be partnered with Danson again. We were given two sheets; a white sheet and a yellow sheet. The white sheet was an article about genetic screening while the yellow sheet had the questions that we had to answer. Mr. Golub explained to us that we would do the questions individually, so I felt disappointed. He said that at the back of the white handout, we could work with a group or a partner to debate about positive and negative sides.

I was satisfied with this, and hoped that Danson would not have a partner. I filled out the yellow sheet first, and as soon as I was done, I submitted it to Mr. Golub. I passed by Danson's desk and I saw that he was not done with the yellow sheet yet. I saw that he was having a hard time answering the English questions, and I wanted to help him. Mr. Golub said to do it individually, so I couldn’t. The backside of the white sheet was the one that allowed for a group. The class ended, and I didn't have a chance to do the group discussion because nobody offered to be my partner and Danson didn’t finish. I was kind of sad, but today was much better than other days when his seat was further away. As we exited the class, I saw Jiro.

He was on his way to his locker, so I went to find Danson. It was too crowded and I couldn't spot him. When I finally got a glimpse of him, he was far away from me. There were lots of people, but I kept my stare strictly at him. I accidently bumped into a guy because I wasn't watching where I was going, and eventually lost sight of him. As I arrived in my English Class, I felt happier. English has always been my favorite subject because there were not many notes and we always had drawing or story projects and story projects that I loved to do. English was also amazing because all of my crushes were here. The presentation was cancelled due to a scheduled locker clean-up at noon. I was glad that it was cancelled because I would have another day to be beside Jiro and Xiu. We colored the poster that I drew yesterday with the markers that I brought.

Jiro wasn't doing anything; he was just stared at my hand while Xiu, Tasha, Jay and I were coloring the pictures. I was so nervous that my hands were getting all sweaty. As I colored, Jiro would be staring at my hand. I began wonder why. When we finished coloring, Tasha asked me to create a slogan for our scented candle advertisement. I agreed and I used a black marker to write it down. While I was writing the word scented, I could see that Jiro was still staring at my hand.

Just then, I was shocked that Xiu had approached me. "Use pencil first so we can erase if there are any spelling mistakes." Xiu said, as he lent me a pencil.

"Yeah, Okay." I replied.

I couldn't believe that for the second time, he had approached me. I wish this project would never end and that we could be a group for the whole semester. Even though I still get nervous doing the project because Xiu and Jiro are always staring at me, I still enjoy it a lot. It would have been better if Xiu call me by my name, but he was still kind when lending me a pencil. It felt like he was lending me his hand, like I had tripped he reached out a hand to help me. There were three guys including whom I took an interest in, but he was the one that lent me the pencil. I understood that Jiro wouldn't have lent me one because I saw that he was holding a pen, which can’t easily be erased, only covered with white-out.

I wondered why Jiro was not helping with the project today, but I figured he was probably worried about his game tomorrow. I began to imagine how they would react if I began to send them love letters. Would they find out it was me? I would disguise myself with the title of secret admirer. I decided not to write any because there were cameras placed all around the school. I will just continue to admire them secretly. The class ended early and Danson was at the door again. I went to my locker to put my binder away, and someone tapped me on the head. I wondered who tapped me, then remembered the guy that had hit me with a bat before. I turned around and saw that it was a girl. She apologized and said that she thought I was her friend; just like the guy with the bat three years ago.

Why do they keep claiming that I look like their friend? It made me think that I should change my face.

"I'm sorry I thought you were my friend." she said.

"It's okay." I assured her. She turned to the boy beside me and said.

"I thought she was someone else. They do look similar and I tapped her on the head." she said, and the guy beside me replied with an "Oh..." I sometimes giggle silently, thinking about what might happened today.

I'm glad that I could control my laughter because if I couldn't, everyone would think I was crazy. Everything at school became more and more interesting. As each day passes, I began to think that they seem to notice me more, like the way Danson moved to the table beside my seat, the way Xiu lent me his pencil, and the way Jiro stares at my hand.

My hard work is now finally paying off, and it feels good when you achieve something that you have always wanted to accomplish. I will show them who I really am; then one day, they'll tell me that they admire me too. I want to show them that I'm the different one among all the other girls. I'm strange and kind of mysterious, and I don't wear any fancy clothing or have any flashy style. I'm just a simple girl who wears ordinary clothing. I'm not too pretty but I have a pure heart. I'm beginning to think that finally they are able to see a new side of me.

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Based on a true story.

Credits to Skye for beta-reading.

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